It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
