I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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