Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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