I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
