I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
