I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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