Redeem this text for a blowjob
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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