I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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