Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
