question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
