oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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