Swine flu is the new snow day.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
