What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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