his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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