What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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