I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
