Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
