Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
