Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
