This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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