dude i'm inner monologue high
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
