Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
