I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
