He is an equal opportunity slut.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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