I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
