That's intense
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
