Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
