so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
