we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
