this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
