the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
