im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
