Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
