What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
