You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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