Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
