I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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