Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
