at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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