well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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