hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
