i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Randomize
