I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
