You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
