The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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