I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
