bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
