The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
