His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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