he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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