dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
