She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
